rumors

those witty philly writers

2005-08-30T13:24:00.000-04:00

This made me laugh, from today's Philly.com article on the NL wildcard "race":

The best thing about the Phillies' position is that they will have no excuses if they can't find a way to win this thing. The things that have gone wrong this season - the losses of Jim Thome and Randy Wolf, the continued availability of David Bell - have already happened.

Eagles XL - 01

2005-08-18T13:07:00.000-04:00

Philadelphia Eagle's coach John Harbaugh, on week one's special teams debacle:

"They're tough, hard-nosed guys who like football," Harbaugh said of his green coverage and return players.

He said that after he's had time to reflect, to gain perspective, "I can live with guys running down there and overplaying a wedge and not knowing where the ballcarrier is in the first preseason game," though seeing it happen right in front of you, the returner streaking down the sideline "is like getting gutted."

That was what happened on the kickoff return, Harbaugh said - his wedge-busters took their task much too literally.

"Our young guys ran down there and crushed the wedge, I mean they just knocked the snot out of the wedge," Harbaugh said. "Totally oblivious to the ballcarrier."

no matter about three special teams gaffes leading to 21 points - 14 before the defense had even stood on the carpet - at least they destroyed that wedge!

why are men so cranky?

2005-07-29T09:12:00.000-04:00

well, the sexist question was asked, so the sexist answer must be offered:

men are so cranky because God made women. They delight the eyes, gladden the heart and quicken the feet; but then, we still can't see our peril, and that just makes the cliff approach faster...

(The other possibility would be sleep deprivation. At least, that will put me over the edge.)

when harry met sally

2005-06-23T13:15:00.000-04:00

I saw a real-life sally in action at the lunch line today.

As I was waiting for my sandwich, this guy walked up to the order-taker-dude and started asking him about their process for ordering potato chips, "because I prefer the plain ones, but they don't seem to have the plain ones in small bags. I even called Frito Lay's distribution center..." I thought, 'sheesh, this guy really likes those chips'. But then it got better (or worse): when his number was called, he asked the serve-dude "Did you cut it diagonally? Yes? Then I don't want it. You have to cut it straight, or the sandwich becomes inedible..."

I thought of asking him if he wanted the crust cut off...

internet confessional

2005-06-08T13:08:00.000-04:00

This is not altogether accurate. I wouldn't be watching Star Trek.

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Gluttony: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Envy: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

How Sinful Are You?

those crazy Italians

2005-06-08T10:33:00.000-04:00

This public urinal was located along one of the main pedestrian thoroughfares near where I lived in Genoa

more protestations of love

2005-06-01T20:52:00.000-04:00

I have just returned from seeing Star Wars. It is easily the best of the three, but is in the unfortunate position of carrying the baggage of the first two. I nominate the scene with Annakin and Padme on the balcony for Best Love Scene Ever:

A: You are so beautiful!
P: It's because I'm so in love in you.
A: No, it's because I'm in love with you!
P: Are you saying you're blinded?
A: well.. I didn't exactly mean it like that..

All righty then! I guess that goes into storage for that hopeful someday when I get to sweep a lovely gal off her feet with words that plumb the depths of my soul's love..

flushing the Quran

2005-05-22T22:02:00.000-04:00

From the Associated Press:

Anti-American sentiment is running high in the Mideast because of a variety of factors, including a now-retracted report in Newsweek that Pentagon investigators had found evidence interrogators at the U.S. Navy base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, placed copies of the Quran, the Muslim holy book, in washrooms to unsettle suspects and flushed a Quran down a toilet.

``We in principle don't reject anyone's visit to the Al Aqsa Mosque (compound), but we see in the visit of Mrs. Bush an attempt to whitewash the face of the United States, after the crimes that the American interrogators had committed when they desecrated the Quran,'' the militant Islamic Hamas group said in a statement on its Web site.

I have to admit that I can't understand why this story is significant. Sure, on the one hand, it seems remarkable to me that interrogators could be so stupid, after all that has transpired with allegations of American mistreatment of militant Arabs; and if Newsweek reported this story errantly, then shame on them; and if they didn't then shame on them doubly for bowing to political pressures to recant; and so on, and so on... between the American media and the Bush White House, is there any way of ever knowing the truth about these things?

But, then, on the other hand: why don't these Muslims grow up? Is their religion so shaky that they have to throw a tantrum anytime anyone in the entire world ever says or does anything remotely critical of or demeaning to it? I'd like to know the statistics on the number of Christian scriptures and churches being desecrated every year. I'm certain the number is quite high. What's more, I'd like to know how many times these acts are perpetrated by the very people raising this fuss!

Of course the desecration of Christianity is not newsworthy because of the political and spiritual bias that determines newsworthiness. But I'm not concerned about getting press, and for one simple reason: our God is the true and living God, and Jesus Christ is his beloved Son. His is the only name in heaven and on earth by which all mankind must be saved. And all others - Mohammed included - are usurpers and liars.

Go ahead and burn our Bibles; destroy our temples - for we know they shall be raised again imperishable. And then Christ will be revealed in us, and all that was of the world will be exposed as fraud and rebellion, and finally judged by him who owns the keys to heaven and hell.

craftmatic rises again

2005-05-19T22:29:00.000-04:00

I haven't built an architectural model in ages!

they used to call me craftmatic in school - both because I had good craft in model-building, but more because I held most of the class records for sleep-deprivation (and thus could be found sleeping any time, any place in the school)

and no, I wasn't the only one sleeping in the school - some people actually brought their own cots!

Now I go home.

in philly, we take what we can get

2005-05-19T20:47:00.000-04:00

woohooo! philly takes 2 of 3 from st. louis!!

yeah, so it's May Aggie, but we don't often get to celebrate.

just wondering...

2005-05-17T14:20:00.000-04:00

would it be a bad thing if I locked the rest of the music team in the basement and left them there?

decoys

2005-05-12T23:03:00.000-04:00

I loved the description for tonight's feature flick:

Two college students desparate to lose their virginity discover that the two prettiest girls on campus are actually dangerous, shapeshifting alien monsters.

Heidelberg Catechism #4

2005-05-11T09:08:00.000-04:00

What does the law of God require of us?

Christ teaches that in a summary, Matthew 22:37-40, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second like unto it is this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments the whole law hangeth, and the prophets.

Heidelberg Catechism #3

2005-05-11T09:07:00.000-04:00

Whence do you know your misery?

Out of the law of God.

Aggie, meet Mr. Bundy

2005-05-07T15:48:00.000-04:00

this is my profile as a killer; unfortunately, I fear I woldn't be very good at it - I'm too conflicted; I'd get ready to strike, then I'd start imagining their funeral and their mother or wife or children, or worse still all of the above; and I'd think of them growing up fatherless, and the anger/depression, the bad grades, oh the injustice of it all!!

or I'd think of my mother, and that would be the end of it...

You kill for revenge.

That is because you have lost something or someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem to get over the loss that marked your soul, and the only solution is to go after the one person who brought all this pain to you. Chances are you are angry inside and you bottle everything up and don't talk to anyone about it. People may want to help, but you think that they can never understand your pain and only get frustrated because of this. But it is important to see all that you have left and be thankful of that even if you have lost something great. It may not be true that Times heals all wounds, but with time and talking about your feelings, maybe the hurt will ease.

Main weapon: Yourself
Quote: "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J. Lec
Facial expression: Gritted teeth and teary eyes

What Type of Killer Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heidelberg Catechism #2

2005-05-06T14:24:00.000-04:00

How many things are necessary for you to know, that you in this comfort may live and die happily?

Three; the first, how great my sins and misery are; the second, how I am delivered from all my sins and misery; the third, how I am to be thankful to God for such deliverance.

Heidelberg Catechism #1

2005-05-05T22:38:00.000-04:00

What is your only comfort in life and death?

That I, with body and soul, both in life and death, am not my own, but belong unto my faithful Savior Jesus Christ; who with his precious blood has fully satisfied for all my sins, and delivered me from all the power of the devil; and so preserves me that without the will of my heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head; yea, that all things must be subservient to my salvation, wherefore by His Holy Spirit He also assures me of eternal life, and makes me heartily willing and ready, henceforth, to live unto him.

of pride

2005-05-05T22:20:00.000-04:00

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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rrrrrrrgh!

2005-05-05T18:21:00.001-04:00

the good life

2005-05-05T18:21:00.000-04:00

thirsty

what is reformed?

2005-04-30T16:59:00.000-04:00

What does it mean to be reformed? The reason I ask is because we were going over some philosophy of ministry stuff at our leadership meeting in church, and it came up that we have to ascribe to the "basic tenets of the reformed faith". My first thought was that most of the people on the team probably didn't know much about the reformed faith. So I pose the question to my many readers.. but this is what I'm thinking about:

If you're debating with another evangelical, usually if you say you're reformed, you mean that you believe in predestination and TULIP, or at least TUIP.. But, historically, reformed means Protestant, as distinct from Roman Catholic; in other words, reformed means you hold to the 5 solas: sola scriptura, sola fide, sola grati, soli deo gloria, and sola ? (I always forget that one!).

Of course, in the early Reformation, there wasn't such theological splintering. But I thought it was worth asking. So which is it?

of architecture 2.21

2005-04-30T06:44:00.000-04:00

game over, man - game over!

best proposal ever

2005-04-25T23:18:00.000-04:00

Elijah Wood, Deep Impact

he climbs the hill, approaches her under the tree on bended knee, reveals two gold rings (even now practicing for the future), protests his undying love for her:

"this is your only chance to survive"

I hope some day to find that special someone so that I may whisper those very words and thereby win her heart forever.

my favorite place

2005-04-21T22:50:00.000-04:00

this is the view from twenty feet above, up and down the creek; the waterfall is to the left

directly above the waterall

the cleft in the rock (dark spot to the right) is actually a cave; go inside and you come out behind...

this. it may not seem like much, but it's cool.

a quarter mile down the creek strolls the Potomac River; Great Falls to the left, the District to the right...

obligatory sun shot

it just couldn't be helped

2005-04-16T11:46:00.000-04:00

Oh no! For all my resistance, it looks like the South got to me after all!

Your Linguistic Profile:

40% General American English

30% Yankee

25% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

captain underpants

2005-04-16T10:53:00.000-04:00

As I walked outside preparing to go running this morning, I was immediately accosted by one of my neighbors' daughters who asked me if I wanted to buy something for 10 cents. Well, it wasn't really in my plans to buy something for 10 cents at that moment, so I said "no, thank you". But as I was heading to the car she added that she was trying to prove she could raise the money to buy a gerbil. Wanting to support her, I walked over to the market she had layed out in her front lawn... it was a hard choice to make: there were five or six dolls, some clothes for toddlers, and one book: the Adventures of Captain Underpants. Which one do you think I chose?

great literature needs no commentary

But there was an unexpected bonus inside, and even though I gave her 25 cents instead of 10 cents, I think I got a steal. For inside, the artists provided a special Flip-O-Rama, where you could flip two pages in rapid succession and achieve an animation something like this:

great art is like great literature

I used to do those little page-flipping animations in the corners of my books, with two people doing kung-fu. There was usually a scene with a flying kick and a head popping off and bouncing around on the ground. Of course, mine were always stick figures...

Underpants have suddenly emerged as a theme in my life. Last night, I went to visit my friend F, as I always do on Friday night. This time his wife, C, was home (she's usually on call at the hospital), but he didn't kick me out immediately because we hadn't talked since I got my verdict on my defense. So while I was there, little N asked me to read him a book, like he usually does. And usually it's something about a trip to the zoo, or monkeys playing the drums, or something cute... But this time, he pulls out the unparalleled: Once Upon A Potty, by Alona Frankel. I didn't quite know what I was in for, but I was suspicious all the same. Anyway, I got about two sentences into it before F and C realized what I was reading and started laughing; of course, that brought the other kids upstairs. And so I soldiered on with my usual dramatic rendering of little Joshua's wee-wee and poo-poo, the story of a boy's first foray into an independent life .

greatness begins with a potty

distracted

2005-04-14T19:39:00.000-04:00

hey, the snakehead terror's on sci-fi!

oh, and if you were wondering, the x-file's Smoking Man plays the coroner!

of architecture 2.20

2005-04-11T09:05:00.000-04:00

I PASSED!!!!

pansies on the playing field

2005-04-09T15:30:00.000-04:00

I have a real soft spot for human drama. I was just watching this "based on a true story" movie about a hospital in Houston that was shut down by a tropical storm and they had to evacuate all these critical condition patients... yeah, I was moved to tears when the national guard came with helicopters to transport the most critical infants...

so now I'm cleansing the palette by watching "Boa" on the sci-fi channel. Pretty typical, you know: drilling in the antarctic awakens a giant prehistoric snake which will terrorize a shady, space-age prison.

gettin' back in the swing...

2005-04-07T13:45:00.000-04:00

first day back on the job, between project phases, nothin to do... perfect.

just threw lots of stuff out. I'm going to get a lot of joy throwing stuff out over the next few weeks. I left behind most of the stuff I took down to Clemson - drawing tools, model-building tools; I've got more of it at home - it's all gonna be thrown out once I've finished the manuscript. All my cd's with coursework... gone. I finally scraped the Clemson parking stickers off my befouled Civic; my Clemson tee shirts and shorts? Hey, this is Terrapin country! I don't care if I have to walk around naked, they have no place in my wardrobe..

Trash day can be so therapeutic...

I went running today for the first time since January! It felt so ... well, like crap - like I hadn't run since January. But it'll come back. I managed to go through this whole ordeal without gaining a pound - pretty much had to fast the whole time to make it happen, but hey, I'm young, right? oh wait, no, I'm not. I'm sure my body will get back at me for this season...

Next stop: trumpet. I haven't played my trumpet since my cousin's wedding, and it just stares at me accross the room with this wounded insolence; my landlord's boyfriend keeps inviting me to join his band, and I mean to do it next time...

of something else for a change

2005-04-06T23:10:00.000-04:00

my camera's been on the fritz lately; I tried different memory cards, new batteries... today I was going to take it to the river, but it wouldn't work. So I braved traffic to take it to the camera shop - it took me a while to get there, but when I finally did the camera worked fine. Thanks.

so I didn't make it to the river - turns out I slept for about 20 out of 24 hours and woke up too late to do much of anything. So hopefully the weather will be nice this weekend.

of architecture 2.19

2005-04-06T02:44:00.000-04:00

This has been a strange couple of days - from my perspective, at least. Speaking of the RN equation, V - my mom told me about when my stepfather was in ICU for over two weeks, that by the end he was experiencing paranoia and hallucinations. Apparently a very common phenomenon - even has its own name: ICU psychosis - for people who are in the ICU environment for an unusually long time.

Well, I've been strung out on this defense for, like, the last 4 months - to say nothing of the effort school has been for the last 4 years; and its gotten progressively more strenuous, even worse in the past two weeks; finally culminating in 24 hours of driving into the lions' den and squaring off against the beast incarnate!

It's possible I was a little sensitive.

I was wide awake last night at 230AM, so I said 'screw it', packed my bags, hopped in my car, and headed on home. 13 hours later I crawled into bed. The instant I laid down, my anxiety lifted.

it'll be over soon.

of architecture 2.18

2005-03-30T04:22:00.001-05:00

here's all the same views with people in them; since the thesis has to do with extending the seasons of the park, I have to show each space occupied in each season. I've taken the city's calendar of events and apportioned activites to each space as seemed a natural fit. No time to describe every one - some big, some small, but to begin with, here's the winter season:

plaza

galleria

slab

courtyard

and finally: the main hall, where all the people from the neighboring activities come to hang where the bulk of amusement park rides will be, which should make the park's owners happy

of architecture 2.17

2005-03-29T00:17:00.000-05:00

Here's some new views. I was discouraged today because I lost an 8-hr rendering when my computer crashed. But this turned out well, and I'm trying to muster the will to push through this final week. (Week?! yikes!)

another view inside the main hall

from the slab looking towards the main hall's roof

this view is taken down the small hall that I'm calling the galleria

this one would have benefitted from the right materials; plus, there's a whole depression in the ground plane that has gotten lost somehow; anyway, this is called the plaza.

this one is taken where the wave slides between some existing buildings, therefore called: the courtyard; it may look like a crawl space, but the line of the glass is 15' high at its low point.

finally, a view of everthing from the garage accross the street

of architecture 2.16

2005-03-27T18:30:00.000-05:00

gettin' there...

of architecture 2.15

2005-03-25T01:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the compliments! Here's the latest and greatest, this time with roller coaster, compliments of photoshop. I searched for the right image online for an hour, and ended up taking one of my own and doctoring it up in 15 minutes. The roller coaster comes out too far in this image; I'll have to fix that.

detail.

another view

detail

Here you can see them together with more complete elevations of the new slab facade. I'm gonna send this down to my professor so he can see what's going on.

of sport 4.01

2005-03-24T13:29:00.000-05:00

Ok, I admit it. I love sports. Nothing special, just your basic big (American) three: baseball, basketball, football. I love the competition. I don't like the hubris, but I love the drama of pain and glory, succes and failure.. (ok, I do get a kick out of watching a linebacker level a receiver on a cossing route..) But I don't love it for its literature.

That said, I thought this quote from today's Washington Post article by Thomas Boswell was fantastic. It's in regard to Barry Bond's sudden announcement that last season may have been his last. Bonds is like the New York Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys and the Duke Blue Devils: there are no sympathy fans, and you can't be on the fence; you either love 'em or hate 'em.

"Throwing down the gauntlet to a pitcher is pride. Throwing down the gauntlet to society -- criminal investigators, the judiciary, media and by extension the public -- is the kind of hubris that keeps all those old Greek plays in print. The pride that drives the rise is the pride, gone to excess, that precipitates the fall. Those whom the gods would destroy they first make great."

Thomas Boswell, Washington Post

of architecture 2.14

2005-03-23T10:09:00.000-05:00

here's a draft rendering showing the new facade; hey, it's just sleep, right?

of architecture 2.13

2005-03-22T22:50:00.000-05:00

see the reflection off the glass?

of architecture 2.12

2005-03-22T22:41:00.000-05:00

Good news! I solved the red problem! Next problem: I'm completely redesigning the facade of the slab building! ..too static and boring.. (as we used to say in school: in the absence of content, just add color!)

At the size of this post, you just might be able to make out the sticks that comprise the strucuture of the roller coaster. It has to come into the canopied space through the hole on the third floor of the slab and then leave through the hole on the ground floor. (Plus, you can barely make out the roller coaster structure behind the slab - at the height of the peak of the canopy structure.) Eventually I'll put the roller coaster in with photoshop. No way I'm gonna try to model that thing!

I really like the reflection off the glass - sorry it's hard to make out in this image; I'll post another detail of it... I'll have to put in those mullions soon!

of architecture 2.11

2005-03-22T09:58:00.000-05:00

more of the same - still trying to find where the materials went

of life

2005-03-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

I went hiking in Big Bend with my dad two summers ago. Hiking to the Window, I took this shot of the Basin behind us. We hit southern Texas during a heat wave, and I had a broken foot (all I knew at the time was that it hurt!). I love the silhouette of the tree cradling the sun, balanced by the mountain in the background.

Man, I can't believe this was two years ago! I hope to get back, but there's so many other spectacular places to visit in this country. Do I try to hit them all? or just explore every nook and cranny of one? I think I will have to visit them all to decide which one to explore! :)

Happy trails..

of architecture 2.10

2005-03-19T18:21:00.000-05:00

Better. But I admit I'm wondering where the red went...

of architecture 2.09

2005-03-19T17:25:00.000-05:00

first pass at a rendering of the main hall. The sylight disappears because I never built the mullions - too memory intensive at the time. And I need to do some systematic tweaking of sky and light and cloud settings... we'll see how this stuff turns out!

of architecture 2.08

2005-03-19T16:10:00.000-05:00

well, I have passed the pre-oral assessment. Three green lights and two yellow lights. While I'm not content until the whole world thinks I'm the best thing ever, I have to be content in this: by my own choice (and my bank account's choice!) I have developed this project on my own; without the daily interactions of the school studio environment; without hardly any guidance from my professor; and without time, ie splitting time with work which, in the past month, was actually quite demanding.

Relief is oozing back into my consciousness. I am actually quite annoyed with my professor. The other studio sections received emails at the end of the day yesterday to learn of their status; I (and presumably the rest of his students) received nothing until today. My professor tries to downplay the significance of the thesis; maybe I will too once this is all done. But the fact is he has never attempted a thesis, and it is evident in the outrageous workload that he thrusts upon his students and inconsiderate acts such as not bothering to inform them of their fate while they wait in a state of distress.

Nevertheless, I live to play another day.

of architecture 2.07

2005-03-16T16:55:00.000-05:00

here's the latest and greatest. pre-oral assessment is this Friday - this will determine if I qualify to move on to the oral defense. I had to send my stuff on Tuesday, so I get 2 days less than anyone else to prepare. Things are coming together nicely - especially given that I cannot work on the project as cosistently as I would like. Hopefully the reviewers will agree. Starting next Wednesday, I'm full-time on thesis until it's over.

Glory.

the big idea

the site

site plan and section, with section of roof removed

cross section with section of roof removed

cross section with section of roof removed

lattice truss details

view of wave and slab from existing garage

view of slab from main hall - this was the first perspective I cut. I gasped when it came on the screen - I'd been working in plan, section and axon for so long that I hadn't even bothered to see how it was developing in perspective. This makes me happy.

view of main hall from secondary hall

view of main hall from slab

of sport 3.01

2005-03-13T18:46:00.000-05:00

maryland, my maryland.

the streak is over. so be it. I won't vent on the lack of effort this year; there was some of that, some of the primadonna attitude too.. But it seems clear it was a team that lost its heart. I know what that's like, so I can't be too critical. But that doesn't make it easy to follow them. Maryland teams have always left it on the floor - with few exceptions, I've never seen a team that didn't show up ready to play, fired up. They weren't always the best team on the floor, but they were always there. For all the good things I can say about Williams as a coach, he doesn't have the ability to inject heart into a team that's lost it. It was Dixon who pulled the team out of their funk the year before their title run; there was no Dixon to do that this year.

blech..

of repentance 1.01

2005-03-09T12:02:00.000-05:00

most disingenuous!

of architecture 3.02

2005-03-02T16:03:00.000-05:00

This is what we in the profession call "a really big building".

of architecture 3.01

2005-03-02T15:48:00.000-05:00

Renzo Piano. Kansai Airport. Japan.

This is an example of the structural system I'm proposing for my thesis.

of fear 1.04

2005-02-28T20:48:00.000-05:00

well, I tend only to write about personal stuff when I'm feeling anguish. Since I spent so much time anguishing the other day, it seems appropriate that I should report on progress and offer praise to God. As promised, I worked for two more hours Saturday night, and as expected I made good progress. It turns out I made two mistakes Saturday in my hurry to advance the project, and it wasn't until late in the day that I accepted that and went back to the beginning. One is silly, the other annoying: on the silly note, I was designing to the wrong module, and so I didn't have enough space to make what I wanted; on the annoying note, I was designing to image rather than letting the elements make their own case for how they should be combined and architecturally defined.

That's one big reason why I think I'm not so great at architecture - it's sort of like a hitter who can't lay off the low-and-away slider. The fact is, and I said this, I am good at what I do - at what I'm paid to do. And my firm doesn't expect or want me to do anything else - that's just how they are. In fact, I've surprised them this year by filling a design role competently. Actually, it has turned out to be more graphics than design - I haven't taken the initiative to design more for three reasons: 1) the opportunity which was promised wasn't really delivered; that means I would have had to boldly take even more initiative, and I admit I'm still too easily intimidated for that. 2) it's just restrooms - really, how much opportunity for initiative was there when we had already designed and built a prototype? 3) there isn't time. Taking the initiative means, first, doing what you're told to do and then, on top of that, doing what you want to do. This just isn't the time in my life to be spending 14 hours a day at work. True, I'm here 14-16 hours a day, but that extra time has to be committed to thesis, no question about it.

I have honest doubts about architecture. Even when I wasn't in school, my boss said he questioned sometimes whether or not I enjoyed what I was doing - this is the same guy who eventually moved to my current firm and invited me to come and work with him. And he's now inviting me to consider moving into a management role. So the comment wasn't suggestive of the quality of my work, but whether or not I was enjoying it. And it can be hard working in a demanding profession if you don't enjoy what you're doing.

I have thought about that ever since. I brushed it aside and went to school. School was harder than I expected, and I didn't enjoy it. I'm not enjoying my thesis. Of course it's grueling, and I hope I will be proud of my project when I'm done. It's painful, and that's natural. But I can't help but feel that something important has been missing in this experience. I screwed up big time, which is why I'm still working on my thesis; and I know that has the ability to taint my thinking. That's why I didn't give up on the thesis and the investment in my education; I had to finish it, both to "finish what I started" and also to clear up my head so that I could make a better decision later on. Well, later on is closer now than when I started. I'm thinking about many things, and I simply don't know which way things will go.

But I said I would offer praise to God, and so I will. I could stop everything related to architecture now, and his (apparent) main purpose for bringing me into architecture will have been achieved. All this stuff about fear... I would not have learned, at least not for many more years, without this experience. I know there aren't many readers for this blog, so that means that 95% of the people who look at it know enough of the story to fill in the blanks. And that's all you're going to get for now. I may share my story at a future time, but I stop short of promising. It's hardly the worst story out there, but it has its griefs. For now, in the midst of fear, I praise God. I praise him generally and specifically. Generally, he is a wonderful shepherd. Everything possible is true about the shepherd metaphor: he has led me with wisdom and firmness into places in my heart that I would not have chosen to go, and he has done so with a mixture of providence and irony that make his handiwork unmistakable. Specifically, I thank him for the very humble gift of this thesis. Ever since I committed to finishing it, I have often gotten stuck on this or that design decision; in the context of all the distress that I have experienced in this process, it doesn't take long for me to anguish when I come to that impasse. At each impasse I have remembered that he is my shepherd, and that this has been a path specially designed for me to recognize and deal with issues that have oppressed me for more than 20 years. I have not been promised success. I say that knowing that I will be more than a little disappointed if I don't succeed in this and also not knowing if I would handle such a disappointment in a manner honoring to God. Nevertheless, when I have hit these impasses, I have remembered to cry out to him - first it took me a week to remember; now it takes me a few hours to remember. His manna to me has come in the form of clarity: at each pass I have sought him, and in less than 24 hours I have arrived at the necessary clarity to overcome the obstacle. That trajectory suggests that I will succeed, and it gives me confidence; but it still is not a promise. Nevertheless, I praise him for this gift. Whether or not this thesis ends up being good or mediocre or worse, he has still shown himself faithful in a personal way. And so I prayed Saturday night, and so I was able to make the necessary progress to move on. And so I praise him.

of architecture 2.06

2005-02-28T08:16:00.000-05:00

An outdated interior perspective. I promise there will be up-to-date images, if I ever get to work on this again. :)

The curved tubular forms are the afore-mentioned structural system. If I knew how to do it in this software, they would have angled braces along their length. If I can't figure it out, then I will have to fudge it in photoshop, or something like that... The current structure is deeper and more pronounced visually; it's conceived to double as part of the circulation system, with catwalks enabling people to move from level to level and from exterior to interior, etc...

But none of that means anything if it ain't drawn.

of architecture 2.05

2005-02-28T08:12:00.000-05:00

Enlarged.

of architecture 2.04

2005-02-28T08:10:00.000-05:00

Since you asked, here is the roller coaster.

of architecture 2.03

2005-02-28T07:46:00.000-05:00

This is the current status of the massing model. Notice that the wave no longer flattens out, but extends north and south to the ocean and into neighboring blocks. Plus, it doesn't get broken up in the middle. You can't really tell the difference here - I was going to post the 3d image of the whole site with actual glazing and whatnot (this is just a massing diagram), but it is so dense that it doesn't make sense unless you're looking at it unreduced. The brown plane intersecting the wave form is just a place-holder for the ground; if that wasn't there, you would see the wave form unbroken, but you wouldn't be able to tell that it goes underground.

Then there's more of the slab elements. Plus, those that abut existing buildings are stepped in order to connect building levels. The idea here is to try to connect more with the existing buildings around the site, coupling both the form and the socio-economic activity of the park with the rest of the neighboring urban fabric.

The wispy lines approximating the curves of the wave are actually the structural system. Here, though, they're out of place - this is all in progress! I built one, but since the wave is interrupted in places, I had to move on to fleshing out those interruptions, as well as giving some TLC to the hotel/apartment slabs, before I return to finalizing the structure.

I'm actually looking forward to fleshing this thing out. I think there's gonna be some cool spaces. Time is an issue, though. In the last three weeks I've only been able to work on it for about 40 hours total, including weekends. Work has just been too much. Imagine that, having to work on work while I'm at work! But they get no more than 8 hours a day from now on. I just can't give any more, and it benefits no one if I don't get this thing done.

of fear 1.03

2005-02-26T20:24:00.000-05:00

The madness continues, with another edition in the moment's spate of postings. But this needs to be said...

I could have initiated a series on depression, but it's all the same thing, really. When I get depressed, I start waxing... well... depressed. Note to self: revisit fear 1.02 when this is over. Is it all just depression-induced tripe? It may very well be. I will not delete it, though. For one thing, it's hard for me to delete something, no matter how worthless or silly. It's out there. Deal with it. For another, I just don't know. I'm stressed out, and the pressure to fall into depression is great. Both because of the thesis and because of factors which will go without comment for now. That said, I have resisted it well this year. Better then ever before. Well, there was one exception, but that was eventually exposed. Exposed not as false, but incomplete.

So am I depressed now? Maybe. This has been a frustrating day, where I didn't accomplish what I set out to accomplish. (Spoken as though the day was over, which never happens in architecture!) I will work for 2 more hours. I think I know what I'm going to do. Finally. And I suppose that is success.

But I want glory, not success! Dammit! And God laughs, for his power is made perfect in my weakness. His grace is my sufficiency. I want to know it! To know that power, that fellowship... that's why I'm thinking of the end of architecture. It's just so inadequate! I know, I know...

of architecture 2.02

2005-02-26T20:10:00.000-05:00

An image from my last meeting with my professor. Definitely outdated, but showing the collision of the wave form with the slab form at the location of the roller coaster (represented by the sticks and curvy line in the foreground).

of architecture 2.01

2005-02-26T20:01:00.000-05:00

This is a diagram of my thesis from a month ago. It's a bit outdated, but still conveys the basic premise. Oh, what's the premise? I know there's lots of people out there wondering... Basically, I'm demonstrating how architecture participates in the economic revitalization of the historic district of a seasonal resort city. In short, the proposal is the extension of the operable seasons of its famous amusement park by literally extending the form of its prominent roller coaster (thereby creating an enclosure for other rides and amusement activities). Additional, non amusement, functions are migrated to the site of the park by means of the horizontal slabs which serve as a counterpoint to the wave form. The resulting mixed-use district is the anchor for the seasonal and long-term viability of this district in the city.

Wave and slab: an architecture of economic revitalization.

of architecture 1.01

2005-02-26T19:44:00.000-05:00

This is a drawing I did for a recent presentation. It was cool: while we were pinning up, the client saw this drawing and said "wow!" We are designing, among other things, a new link between the lower level cafeteria and shops with the upper levels of an existing public building. The stair to the left is our proposal, and we wanted to show how it relates to the existing stairs (to the right). The existing stairs are possibly the nicest piece of the entire building. That's both a compliment to the stairs as well as being descriptive of how bland the existing building is.

If you can imagine it, this drawing is about 9 feet long.

of fear 1.02

2005-02-26T17:41:00.000-05:00

I should have been publishing these past few weeks/months. There has been planty to talk about. But that's the way of things, I suppose. Now I'm sitting in my office on a saturday, my new home-away-from-home-away-from-h o m e. It's hard to imagine this thesis ever ending, even though I'm now within spitting distance of the finish line. I'm a bit dizzy with anxiety, at the same time remembering that at each step along the way God has given his manna, and I have eaten, and I have survived for the next day's gathering.

What's so special about a thesis, or my thesis? It has become a metaphor of my life: it's struggle for significance and its ultimate futility. It epitomizes my search for significance, both in my frustration at the mundanity of my design skills as well as my anticipation for the next steps in my life. Beyond thesis, beyond school, beyond the pain and reality of a life constricted by years of isolation and fear compounded to absurdity to the point that, for all the sprint of my existence, I have stood emphatically still. Me, emphatically me, stalled on the roller coaster.

To quote Pink Floyd:

Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

or again....

Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cannot hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

But this is no longer my desire. I say desire, even though no one would willingly desire such a thing. But for long I slept, and I was content to sleep. I was not content in life, but I was content to sleep all the same. But God alarmed me this year. He didn't show me that I had to stop sleeping; He showed me that if I didn't, my life would never amount to its promise or my hope. I don't even know what that promise is. I suspect that it is not in architecture. Even were I to continue in this profession, I think it is somehow separate from my life. Of course, everyone says 'what you do is not who you are', but that's only part of what I'm talking about. I've never sought my identity in my work; all the same, I expected that my identity should somehow encompass my profession. Now I'm no longer sure.

I'm just not very good at it. Not in the way that I want to be. What does that mean? Do I need the glory of a Richard Meier, Nicolas Grimshaw, Renzo Piano? Maybe. I should never be surprised at my vanity. I am good. At what I do. At what my firm wants me to do. They have always esteemed my expertise and my contribution; they have let me leave and return twice when they could have anyone they wanted; they have always given me high praise when it came time to the annual performance review; they have even treated me better than my church. Given their prestige, I should be assured, right? Content? Confident? I cannot complain. The problem is, I don't think I believe in architecture anymore. Maybe the deeper problem is that I ever believed in it at all.

There is much too much to ponder here. And who knows, maybe this is just stress speaking. I do not doubt that stress is speaking right now, but I do doubt whether it is the only voice to be heard. I am impatient to start living again. I feel like the rat in the debris, comfortable until discovered, waiting in defiance and fear; but when the final covering is removed, exposed, I dart for new cover - anywhere but here. Possibly not the right time to entertain such thoughts. Just go through the motions, do your job, get your paycheck.

My paycheck, my binky. Save me from this fate.

of vanity 1.01

2004-12-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

after 6 months of running and partying with mr. Atkins, I have finally trimmed my years of depression-induced excess and weighed in at my ideal weight. Naturally, this means I am now the ideal man.

Like A Weaned Child (Ps. 131)

2004-12-10T15:46:00.000-05:00

[lightly tormented]

rushing water, angry sea
water rising over me
o whispering wind, voice of God
come quickly

like a mother you have loved me
like a father you have led me
through the waters, through the wild
like a weaned child

my heart is not hard
my eyes are not haughty
great things are too great for me!

my heart is still
my soul... quiet

like a weaned child, my soul within me
like a weaned child, my soul within me
now and forever, forevermore
now and forever, forevermore

Job Song

2004-12-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

Love is awake inside you
Hardened, you say you're far too gone
Been so long...
Coldly, you take my embrace
Together at last, we're face to face
And I can see in this light just a trace of the fire,
the desire...

And you say you don't want,
you don't need,
you don't care
You really don't understand - you're so unaware
of the gift that is yours...

Out of the darkness I called you to walk in this land
I swore I would give you, to love and forgive you
Don't you see or believe - your life is held right in my hand?
But you would walk away
Do you listen to what you say?

And you say you don't want,
you don't need,
you don't care
You really don't understand - no, you're so unaware
of the gift that is yours...
oh, sweet freedom

Clearly I spoke too soon
I lifted my voice and left no room for your love
...
Now I can see you're near me
You promised me grace and you have filled me
You promised you will be holy through me so I'll wait
Yes, I'll wait...

of fear 2.01

2004-12-06T16:44:00.000-05:00

HA!

of politics 2.01

2004-12-03T13:15:00.000-05:00

Random church-state article my brother sent me. It was Christian doctrine that established the concept of church-state separation; but we have traded wisdom for folly and must be taught anew by self-styled progressives. This is one of the few secular articles I've seen that actually addresses the concerns of the Fathers about government corrupting religion - usually it's the other way around.

http://www.commondreams.org/views04/1202-33.htm

Can anyone verify this bit about Falwell and Moony? Not that I ever had much respect for Falwell, but can anyone explain to me why a professing Christian would indebt himself to an antiChrist? Indeed...

of Domitian

2004-12-02T15:40:00.000-05:00

For a while he governed in an uneven fashion: that is to say, his vices were at first balanced by his virtues. Later, he transformed his virtues into vices too...

Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars, Penguin Books:1957, pg 203.

of faith 2.01

2004-11-26T14:56:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday in what has become tradition for my family, with my aunts and uncles, grandmother, cousins, etc.. converging on my folks' house. It's not a huge gathering, but it's large enough. Since I am the religious person in the family, it has become tradition for me to say grace before our holiday meals. I have done this for 6-8 years now, and have always struggled with it. How can I say a meaningful prayer in the midst of so many unbelievers? By meaningful, I mean a prayer that really expresses what I understand and love about God and salvation - what I am most thankful for - while in some measure speaking for everyone at the same time. I do not believe it's necessary to use this moment as my soapbox to confront everyone in their sin - my immediate family certainly knows where I stand (though I suspect they try not to think about it). But I do try to mention the gospel, albeit somewhat obliquely.

Now I have been through too much. I have come to the end of my fears and found God faithful and wise; I have also found that these fears have the power to suffocate me if I let them. I still don't feel it's necessary to be confrontational on this occasion, but I am dissatisfied with my traditional (fearful?) approach. So I resolved this time to say something more direct - first, about God's glory, and then about the offer of the gospel 'to all who seek him'. So this is what I prayed, approximately:

"Holy Father, you are glorious beyond the reach of our thought. By your word the cosmos was created, and by your word you sustain it. I thank you that you have made a way open to come to you for all who seek you. I thank you also for this family - for our unity and prosperity. Please open our eyes and hearts to see those who are in need and to give out of the abundance of your gifts to us. In Christ's name. Amen"

I fumbled more than I usually do, and I could probably do better. But I believe I was faithful, and that's what matters to me.

of Aragorn the Pansy 2.01

2004-11-25T13:30:00.000-05:00

a note of explanation: (of course, an explanation assumes a readership, but who knows) while I enjoy the spectacle of the Lord of the Rings movies, I am apalled at their misrepresentation of the books. I admit I am a bit of a purist, but that does not account for the gross misunderstanding and subsequently systematic mistreatment of Tolkien's writings. The fundamental error in the movies is that of trying to make all of its characters 'just like us'. We were supposed to identify with the hobbits; we were never meant to identify with Elrond, Gandalf, Aragorn, Faramir, etc... and to the extent that we could identify with Denethor and Boromir, our identification with them was attributed to flaws in their characters. But there is no greater crime in the movies than the complete emasculation of Aragorn, of the line of the kings. So this series will deal with the failure of the movies to comprehend the mythic intent of Tolkien's writing. Although I am not a scholar, I will do what I can...

For me, the low point for Aragorn's character in the movies came during the retreat to Helm's Deep. When the Rohirrim are attacked by Warg-riding Orcs, Aragorn rides furiously towards the column screaming that they were under attack. I ask you: would any soldier with a modicum of discipline and/or courage flee into a place crowded by the elderly, women, and children and stir them into a panic with news of attack? Would they not rather go straight to their commander, or in this case the king, and inform them so that orders could be given and troops deployed to counter the threat. Each time I view this scene I am stirred to indignation, first for the sad portrayal of an honorable character, but mostly for a revolting display of cowardice.

of LOTR 3.02

2004-11-25T13:21:00.000-05:00

'Then it was not made, not made' - Pippin hesitated - 'by the Enemy?'

'No,' said Gandalf. 'Nor by Saruman. It is beyond his art, and beyond Sauron's too. The palantiri came from beyond Westernesse, from Eldamar. The Noldor made them. Feanor himself, maybe, wrought them, in days so long ago that the time cannot be measured inyears. But there is nothing that Sauron cannot turn to evil uses. Alas for Saruman! It was his downfall, as I now perceive. Perilous to us all are the devices of an art deeper than we possess ourselves. Yet he must bear the blame. Fool! to keep it secret, for his own profit. No word did he ever speak of it to any of the Council. We had not yet given thought to the fate of the palantiri of Gondor in its ruinous wars...'

Book III, Chapter XI - Gandalf and Pippin, after the discovery of the stone of Orthanc and during the flight to Minas Tirith

of LOTR 3.01

2004-11-25T13:04:00.000-05:00

'Are we riding far tonight, Gandalf?' asked Merry after a while. 'I don't know how you feel with small rag-tag dangling behind you; but the rag-tag is tired and will be glad to stop dangling and lie down.'

'So you heard that?' said Gandalf. 'Don't let it rankle! Be thankful no longer words were aimed at you. He had his eyes on you. If it is any comfort to your pride, I should say that, at the moment, you and Pippin are more in his thoughts than all the rest of us. Who you are; how you came there, and why; what you know; whether you were captured, and if so, how you escaped when all the Orcs perished - it is with these little riddles that the great mind of Saruman is troubled. A sneer from him, Meriadoc, is a compliment, if you feel honoured by his concern.'

'Thank you!' said Merry. 'But it is a greater honour to dangle at your tail, Gandalf. For one thing, in that position one has a chance of putting a question a second time. Are we riding far tonight?'

Book III, Chapter XI - Merry and Gandfalf on the trail from Isenguard

of Nero

2004-11-19T18:20:00.000-05:00

A closer study of the Domitian family history would probably suggest that many of Nero's vices were inherited, although indeed he made a ghastly caricature of his ancestor's virtues.

Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars, Penguin Books:1957, pg 210.

of Claudius

2004-11-19T18:15:00.000-05:00

Instead of keeping quiet about his stupidity, Claudius explained, in a few short speeches, that it had been a mere mask assumed for the benefit of Caligula, and that he owed both life and throne to it. Nobody, however, believed him...

Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars, Penguin Books:1957, pg 203.

of Gaius Caligula

2004-11-19T18:10:00.000-05:00

So much for Caligula the Emperor; the rest of this history must needs deal with Caligula the Monster.

It was his habit to commit incest with each of his three sisters in turn. [...] It would be hard to say whether the way he got married, the way he dissolved his marriages, or the way he behaved as a husband was the most disgraceful.

It seems hardly worth while to record how Caligula treated such relatives and friends as his cousin King Ptolemy of Mauretania [...], or Macro the Guards Commander, with his wife Ennia, by whose help he had become Emperor. Their very loyalty and nearness to him earned them cruel deaths.

Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars, Penguin Books:1957, pg 159, 161, 162.

of design 1.01

2004-11-19T17:57:00.000-05:00

I spoke with my professor on Wednesday. He was looking over my submission and commented that it looked pretty good (which is nigh complimentary for him).

Quite surprisingly, my mood has improved dramatically since then!

Lord, teach me the secret of contentment in knowing you, for everything else is vanity and a chasing after wind.

of fear 1.01

2004-11-15T15:45:00.000-05:00

I have been unsettled by fear, and I am apalled. Everything can be going well, but when fear strikes I am suddenly tossed and buffeted, and I despair. Is it enough to say that God is seeing me through this? Is God a crutch? Is it too easy? easy... funny. I should like to see difficult. I have hope, and I can laugh in my own despair - partially from growing strength, but mostly from self-ridicule. I did not know that I was like this. But now I do.

It's all good. Or maybe it's all bad, but tolerable. Tolerable only because now I know, and because I know I can move forward. I have progressed. Infant-toddler-first steps... somewhere along the line, moving to the right. If the wrath of man will praise him, then so too will my fear.

It's all good.

of faith 1.01

2004-11-08T18:52:00.000-05:00

we had a discussion yesterday about changing our single's fellowship from the morning to the evening. The discussion centered around logistics, pros and con... at no point did anyone bother to ask why we were having the conversation. I mean, it's a significant change, and people usually only change stuff when they think something's wrong.

what to do... what to do...

of sport 2.01

2004-11-08T18:49:00.000-05:00

all right. the eagles stunk yesterday - that's all I have to say on that...

except they knocked me out of first place in my fantasy league!!

of work 3.01

2004-11-08T18:48:00.000-05:00

arrrgh! all of a sudden there's all these people on my project and I have to explain to them what's going on and keep them busy! I spent more time talking today than working!

of work 2.03

2004-10-27T23:52:00.000-04:00

it's nearly midnight, I missed the last game of the curse, and L. - who has still managed to spend 6 hours on the one drawing I scripted for him - has just asked me yet again if the vendor information is to be included...

grrrr...

of work 2.02

2004-10-27T20:19:00.000-04:00

first, I had L. do the traffic diagrams, but just do them on trace paper showing each bus route so that we can figure out how much info we can fit onto the map. Instead, he does them on Illustrator (which took 5 hours as opposed to 5 minutes), and filters the information ("it's too complex to show all of it") until it becomes unrecognisable and useless...

second, I just sat with him and scripted every line that he has to draw in order to do the traffic diagrams. Took an hour, and he kept asking whether he had to show the vendors and I kept telling him "just traffic on the traffic diagram"...

I just don't understand. If I thought it was funny for people to think I was incompetent, I'm not sure I could act the part any better...

of sport 1.01

2004-10-26T23:22:00.000-04:00

It hurts merely to hear him describe the stuff being perpetrated on his ankle before every start: He had a stitch stuck in a nerve in his leg? Yeesh. You need to take two Advils after just listening to this stuff.

But whatever the heck those doctors are doing to him, however many shots and needles and pills he is taking just to make it out to the mound, we are seeing an October legend grow before our eyes.

Kirk Gibson had one World Series at-bat on a gimpy knee, and people still talk about it 16 years later. So try to imagine what kind of mythical figure Schilling will be in another decade or two -- after these two straight-out-of-Hollywood baseball games he has pitched in the last week.

[...]

When he woke up at 7 a.m., he said, he noticed a couple problems that might make it sort of tough to pitch.

"I couldn't walk," he said. "I couldn't move."

So it's safe to say he probably couldn't reach back and throw a 98-mph smokeball past Albert Pujols, either. Just guessing here.

[...]

"It's not easy doing what he's doing if you feel normal," said reliever Mike Timlin. "And he doesn't feel normal. I know that. [...] If you feel like you can't find a balance point, pitching is almost impossible. Balance is more than just the key to throwing a baseball. It's the key to everything. It's the key to hitting a baseball. It's the key to shooting a basketball. The key to everything in sports is balance. That's what it's all about. And it's tough to get that balance if your ankle is in the shape his is in."

[...]

Over his last five World Series starts, Schilling's ERA is now an absurd 0.99. His lifetime postseason record, after four marches through October over the last 10 seasons, is an amazing 8-2, 2.06. Toss out that game against the Yankees this month -- when he could barely stand, let alone pitch -- and he'd be 8-1, 1.61.

"It's games like this," Schilling said this week, "where you make your mark."

That mark is getting so big and bold, it is far from out of the question that this guy has built a Hall of Fame case for himself practically based on his October heroics alone. Add in 183 career wins, a tremendous 3.32 career ERA, three 20-win seasons and three more seasons of 300 strikeouts, and it won't take many more regular-season wins to seal this deal.

(Jayson Stark, ESPN)

of Julius Caesar

2004-10-26T23:08:00.000-04:00

Yet other deeds and sayings of Caesar's may be set to the debit account, and justify the conclusion that he deserved assassination. Not only did he accept unconstitutional honours [...] but took other honours which, as a mere mortal, he should certainly have refused.

Gaius Suetonius Tranquillus, The Twelve Caesars, Penguin Books:1957, pg 41.

of work 2.01

2004-10-26T23:04:00.000-04:00

I'm very troubled by L. He seems incapable of independent thought and action. My boss no longer wants to deal with him, so I am his defacto boss. I'm not sure L. understands that it's atypical for one person to manage another at the same employment grade.

of politics 1.02

2004-10-22T18:28:00.000-04:00

NY Times Article, Without A Doubt

That very issue is what Jim Wallis wishes he could sit and talk about with George W. Bush. That's impossible now, he says. He is no longer invited to the White House.

''Faith can cut in so many ways,'' he said. ''If you're penitent and not triumphal, it can move us to repentance and accountability and help us reach for something higher than ourselves. That can be a powerful thing, a thing that moves us beyond politics as usual, like Martin Luther King did. But when it's designed to certify our righteousness -- that can be a dangerous thing. Then it pushes self-criticism aside. There's no reflection.

''Where people often get lost is on this very point,'' he said after a moment of thought. ''Real faith, you see, leads us to deeper reflection and not -- not ever -- to the thing we as humans so very much want.''

And what is that?

''Easy certainty.''

Although I don't agree with the use of the word Calvinism earlier used in this article to describe Bush's warmongering, I think this is an excellent quote. It's not the best article, and I disagree with this article's suggestion that faith is opposed to reality; but this quote makes the point. Good faith (not "true" faith, for "true" faith could still be "bad" faith) - good faith goes deeper into the self. In fact it was Calvin who said you cannot know God without knowing yourself (and vice versa). Good faith goes inside and exposes all the sewage; it makes you doubt your prejudices; it leads you to the conclusion that judgment is difficult and requires a careful calibration of fact, belief, and consequence. I do not see any evidence that W has this "good" faith; and if indeed his presidency is being conducted in the realm of faith, then I cannot vote for him in good conscience.

of metro 1.01

2004-10-22T10:31:00.000-04:00

2 hours late. brilliant.

of politics 1.01

2004-10-20T18:12:00.000-04:00

W revealed his leadership potential in the days and weeks following 9/11, but ulimately has failed to sustain it. I might admire his determination and resolve in the face of worldwide opposition - that could be characteristic of leadership. But it's also characteristic of thuggery. I find myself with one remaining reason to vote for him: the Supreme Court. But is speculation about the Court's future reason enough to subject the country to another four more years of unilateralism and environmental & economic recklessness?

of work 1.01

2004-10-20T16:58:00.000-04:00

is it a problem that I'm not getting anything done today?